Worth
“For me, worth is not determined by a quantitative value, but measured by the ability to get up and do the thing that you fear the most”- Author Jessica Greer. (Quote and excerpt from my book “What the fuck is self-love”.
Wow! the last few months have been rough. I don’t know about anyone else (more specifically those of us who are on a Spiritual journey of awakening – whatever that means for you). It has really been a loop of confusion and learning self on a deeper level. Especially for those of you who have recently found love while going through your journey.
As I have said before “healing is a gift that keeps on giving” With that being stated, I have learned over the past few months that me healing was nothing like I expected to be. I have learned that after the relationship ending with Malik me going on a journey of self-love to discover myself that in the end while single, I still didn’t know myself. Furthermore, I still didn’t love myself enough to be who I truly am and doing what I was instructed to do without fear of judgement.
Being vulnerable
I was given an assignment during my journey to show the process of my healing while I am enduring it. For me this was very difficult since my sole mission was to do soul business and help people heal and offer a bunch of intelligent resolutions on how to elevate a relationship and manifest what you desired. The entire journey had begun because I wanted to fix me in order to do what I had known I was put on this earth to do which was use my story and the things that I have endure both good and bad in order to help other people. Understanding that everything that I did endure was for the betterment of my life so that I would pour the very love that I so desperately sought back into other people.
The hurt that ended up helping
Malik Jabril Sanford the very first man I truly gave my heart to. I won’t speak on him much because he is a part of my past, however he did spark something within me that lead me on my path of healing and finding myself. And for me that is exactly who I found with My New King. I have never meet someone that was so like me that it’s kind of scary. It has been so scary that so many times I have wanted to run only because I couldn’t handle the healing. The very things that I thought I knew that would work in the relationship and tried to come in as if I had all of the answers and was still not implement those behaviors. (I believe it’s a word for that)
Fast forward…..
They say insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. it’s funny that I have had to type this same line AGAIN. What I have learned is I learned the lessons I took accountability for the past however being IN the relationship I have repeated the same behaviors and putting expectations on My King to be the bigger person since he is the man and is the one who has to be the lead according to society. However, I have recently discovered that it’s up two the two individuals that is in the relationship to decide who is appropriate for that relationship.,,,,
Journey through my journal
I am still working on it you all. I am still healing. I am still working to be more vulnerable. I received a Divine message today that I can be liberated by love. If no one out there understands there are unique individuals in the world who are truly loving and want to be done right and if they get at 100% the same INNERgy and love they can and will help transform the world. IN the end as I see it all everyone really need is love. Someone that will be there through and with them through thick and thin.
As I come to an end on today’s writing. I speak out with love and healing innergy for anyone in a unionship with someone and may be dealing with difficulty times that you who are ready this get some type of help from this. I speak that my words are healing to anyone who reads this letter as it is healing for me to release it. And although for me it seems like I have been all over the place as I have not expressed these things out to anyone. I know that this will make perfect sense to SOME1….
AS I HEAL WE HEAL TWOGETHER…..
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